Wheatley's Dilemma
by MangoGrape
Summary: Human Wheatley tries to help Chell escape, winds up wetting his pants.


A man hurried down one of the thousands of catwalks inside Aperture Science laboratories. His name was Wheatley. He had only one goal in mind, and that was to escape. He needed to get out of this prison if it was the last thing he ever did. However, despite having a plan he knew that he was going to need some help from a test subject. It wouldn't be such an issue if they weren't all dead.

'How could the management have expected one bloody person to look after all these test subjects? It's mad!' he thought to himself.

Wheatley tossed aside his jumbled thoughts as he arrived at the door of the test subject's room. He took in a deep breath, praying that somebody would be alive in the room.

"Hello? Anyone in there? He asked, knocking on the door. "Hello? Are you... gonna open the door? At any time?". No answer. Wheatley suppressed a groan as he realized that whoever was in there had most likely perished. Never the less he continued to call out for them. "Hello? Are you gonna open this door? Because it's fairly urgent." he said.

To his surprise, the door swung open suddenly. The woman standing before him was dressed in an Aperture Science jumpsuit as well as long fall boots. Her hair was worn up in a ponytail but it was a mess. Wheatley let out a horrified scream, disgusted by the site of her.

"God, God, you look t- umm... good! Looking good, actually.". She seemed not to notice his obvious lie though. He entered her room, making his way to the bed. "Are you okay?" he asked with genuine concern. Suddenly he took back his question, not wanting to deal with whatever problems she was having. "Uh, don't... answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it sl-".

"Please prepare for emergency evacuation." announced a monotonous voice from above. Wheatley looked back to Chell, a clear sense of alarm in his eyes. "St-stay calm! Stay calm!" Wheatley hollered. "Prepare, it's all the same, prepare. It's all fine, okay? Don't move, I'm gonna get us out of here.". Wheatley left Chell to herself for a moment, disappearing into the ceiling. Suddenly, he poked his head back out at her. "Oh! You might want to hang onto something, word of advice, up to you.".

As he hurried back up into the ceiling, he felt a sudden twinge in his lower abdomen- an indication that he needed to use the bathroom. 'No matter.' Wheatley thought to himself. 'I've got more important things to be doing right now.'.

A serious of bumps and bangs commenced as the gentle hum of a machine filled the room.

"You alright down there? Can you hear me?... Hello?" he called out. Figuring that Chell couldn't hear him, Wheatley descended from the ceiling back to the ground below. "Most test subjects do experience some, uh, cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension." he explained. Drawing a quick breath, he continued with what he was saying. "Now, you've been under for _quite_ a lot longer. And it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage."

Chell stared at him blankly.

"But don't be alarmed, alright? Though if you do feel alarmed, try to hold onto that feeling!" Wheatley exclaimed. "Because that is the proper reaction to being told you've got brain damage." he concluded. Still, Chell held her poker face and said not a word. Seeing this, Wheatley became worried that she may have been affected more seriously than he thought.

"Do you understand what I'm saying at all? Does any of this make any sense?" he asked. At this point her silence was starting to annoy him. "Just tell me, just say yes." he said. He was no longer interested in her well being, but more so that she wasn't talking to him.

Instead of speaking, Chell jumped up in the air. Wheatley raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Okay, what you're doing there is jumping. Uh, you just- you just jumped." he said. Suddenly he had a different idea. "But never mind, just say apple. Apple." he commanded. Again though, Chell jumped. He sighed, looking up at the ceiling as a buzzer went off. "Okay, you know what? That's close enough." he decided. Wheatley took his place in the ceiling once more, preparing to evacuate. "Just hold tight!" he said.

Chell looked around in panic as the room began trembling slightly, the announcer's voice rambling on and on again. Her head whipped towards the east side of the room as pieces of the wall began to fall out. The trembling turned to a violent shaking and she could hear Wheatley talking to her again.

"I wasn't gonna mention this to you, but I'm in pretty hot water here." Wheatley explained. "How are you doing down there?" he asked. As usual, Chell didn't have a response. "Are you still holding on?". Wheatley was a tad worried that she hadn't hung on tight enough. "The reserve power ran out, so of course the **whole** relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects!"

The room began moving suddenly, swaying back and forth.

"Hold on! This is a bit tricky!". Chell's room crashed into a huge, metal wall, although Wheatley seemed to pay no attention. "And of course nobody tells _me _anything! Nooooo, why should anybody tell me anything? Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of!?" he ranted. He quit complaining for a minute and called down to Chell "Alright, it's close! Am I gonna make it through? There's not a lot of space.".

Without waiting for her to respond, he proceeded to move the room through said space.

"Um, just gotta get through here!" he shouted. A grand screech pronounced itself upon the room scraping the walls. Wheatley and Chell both cringed at the blood curdling noise. "I just need to concentrate!". He didn't keep to his words very well, because instead of concentrating he went back to ranting.

"And who's fault do you think it's gonna be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flippin' vegetables?" he asked rhetorically. "Augh! See I hit that one, I hit that one." he said. Wheatley looked around frantically, knowing that he didn't have much time. "Okay look, we should get out of here, alright?!" he yelled down. "If anyone asks, and no one's gonna ask, don't worry! But if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know the last time you checked everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead!" Wheatley instructed. "Okay, almost there.".

Wheatley spotted a familiar area in the facility and smiled. "Now on the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment that we're going to need to get out of here." he told Chell. "I-I think this is a docking station!" he called out. "Get ready!". With a great heave, Wheatley thrust the room into the wall.

"...Good news- that is **not** a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. Uh, I'm gonna attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical. Hold on." he said. "Almost there! Remember- you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes! B- ...Don't worry, you'll figure it out!". Once again he forced the room into the wall. The force of the impact was so great that even he was feeling the vibrations.

"Seriously do hold on this time." Wheatley pleaded. For the third and final time the wall and Chell's room clashed, successfully destroying the wall as well as her room.

As the dust cleared, Wheatley came out of hiding. He felt more pressure in his bladder than he previously did, which he thought to be a bit queer. He guessed it was probably from the intense vibrations he and Chell had just felt a minute ago.

"There we go." Wheatley said in a relieved tone. Not waiting for him to speak further, Chell jumped into the testing track. Glass shattered around her as the familiar announcer's voice was heard. Wheatley watched as she walked off, hollering the words "Good luck!" to her. He walked in another direction, leaving Chell to her own devices. Wheatley thought back to his bladder, wondering if he should go ahead and find a bathroom, if there were one around. But he pushed the idea out of his mind, deciding he had to get back to Chell as soon as possible. Still, his need to urinate was becoming fairly troublesome.

…

Where was she? Wheatley hadn't expected Chell to be taking this long. He had things to do! He hadn't all the time in the world. What if something awful had happened to her? He turned around suddenly, hearing footsteps. Was that her? Yes! It was Chell! She didn't have the portal gun though. No matter, she would get to it sometime.

"Hey! You made it!" Wheatley cheered. He looked to her from behind one of the test chamber's walls. "There should be a portal device on that podium over there." he said. Chell looked to where her partner had pointed. The chamber seemed vacant save for the broken pieces of the wall that littered it.

"I can't see it though..." Wheatley said. "Maybe it fell off. Do you want to go have a quick look?". He watched as Chell went to investigate. He yelped as the floor gave way unexpectedly. After the dust had cleared he went over to the hole.

"Hello? Can you see the portal gun?" Wheatley asked. He hesitated for a moment and asked something else. "Also, are you alive? That's important should have asked that first.". When he heard nothing for the umpteenth time, Wheatley groaned.

"Do you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just gonna wait for you up ahead. I'll wait one hour, then I'll come back. And assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you." he decided. "Alright? Brilliant. Go team! See you in an hour hopefully! If you're not... dead!" he hollered.

Wheatley hurried on ahead, hoping and praying his companion had survived the fall.

"I do hope she's alright." Wheatley said aloud. "That was a pretty long fall... But then again she's a good jumper, so maybe she landed on her feet. Yes, probably. She probably landed on her feet." He assured himself. "Oh... Ohhh... But what if she broke them? Yes, that's a bit of a problem. Well she does have those long fall boots of he-".

Wheatley was interrupted by a deep jolt of pain in his bladder. It was worse than he thought. He pondered how urine could possibly be building up inside him so quickly. He studied his surroundings, wondering if he should find a toilet. After all, he did have an hour. That is, if Chell hadn't survived the fall. With a sigh, Wheatley made up his mind. He was just going to keep on moving. He hoped he could find some place to relieve himself along the way.

…

Wheatley paced back and forth impatiently. What was it now? Chell was taking much longer than before. It had already been forty five minutes that he'd waited for her. He was starting to suspect the worst. Wheatley grimaced as he felt the pain in his bladder intensifying once more. Eyeing the area around him, he assured himself nobody was watching. He leaned against the wall and suppressed a groan as he crossed and uncrossed his legs.

Suddenly, Wheatley heard the sound of a door opening behind him. He quit his shenanigans and turned towards the noise. It was Chell! She was alive!

"Hey! Ey ey! I'm over here!" Wheatley called out. An orange portal opened up on one of the panels in Chell's area.

"Oh brilliant! You did find a portal gun!" Wheatley cried. "Oh, you know what? It just goes to show people with brain damage are the real heroes at the end, aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave." he said. He motioned to the panel behind him. "Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.". Chell followed his orders and went through the portal.

"Watch this, I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this." Wheatley said. Chell's eyes followed him as he walked over to the wall and prepared to open one of the panels. But before he did, he felt another jolt in his bladder. '_Crap._' he thought. Wheatley hesitated before turning towards Chell.

"Um... yeah I can't do it if you're watching." he said. Chell furrowed her brow in confusion. "Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a moment?". Chell shrugged and turned around, just wanting to leave faster. It was all a fabrication, really. He could have opened the panel with her watching just fine. But he was getting desperate and didn't want her to be aware.

Wheatley made a grab for his crotch and danced in place for a moment, trying to relieve a bit of the tension in his body. Left foot stomp, right foot stomp, repeat. After a total of seven stomps, Wheatley stopped and opened up the panel. Chell turned around to look at it.

"Alright, you can turn around now." Wheatley announced. "BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.". Chell followed him through the new opening. "And off we go!" he cheered. "Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! This is brilliant. We can go wherever we want.". Chell took the lead, walking across a catwalk and entering a room. "Hold on though, where are we going?" Wheatley asked. "Just let me get my bearings. Let's just follow the rail, actually..." he said as he adjusted his glasses.

"Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh nooo..." Wheatley groaned. Turrets. He turned towards the small children inside the tubes beside them. They all stared at Chell and Wheatley with pleading eyes, some on the verge of tears.

"Yes, hello, no we're not stopping." he said to them. Wheatley looked Chell deep in the eyes. "Don't make eye contact, whatever you do." he whispered.

"No! Thanks! Appreciate it!" he called back to the turrets. "Keep moving, keep moving...".

…

"I should probably bring you up to speed on something." Wheatley said. Chell turned towards him expectantly. "In order to escape we're going to have to go through **her **chamber." he said. Just uttering those words was enough to send chills down his spine. "And she will probably kill us if...if she's uh, awake.". Chell nodded and continued forward. Wheatley hesitated and pressed his legs together.

"But if you wanna just call it quits and just sit here forever that's an option. Option A, sit here and do nothing, option B, go through there and if she's on she will most certainly kill us." Wheatley said sheepishly. Chell defiantly grabbed him but his sleeve and dragged him into the chamber.

"Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table. I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna go in there! Don't go in th- she's off, she's off, don't panic over it, all fine, let's go." Wheatley stammered. As Chell led him through, he stared at the elderly body laying on the floor.

"What a nasty piece of work she was." he scoffed. "A proper maniac.". Chell nodded in agreement and walked through the pool of dirty water below her. Wheatley hesitated before he proceeded, not taking kindly to the feeling of wetness. The cold chill of the water made him shiver all over. It caused him to nearly lose a bit of urine in his pants. He quickly grabbed his crotch to stop anything from coming out.

He hurried ahead of Chell, desperate to exit the water.

"Okay, down these stairs." he commanded. Chell followed him as he led her towards their destination. That was when he saw it. A piece of the catwalk was missing. Before he could protest, Chell grabbed him and took him down with her.

Wheatley let out a girly shriek all the way down. Upon hitting the ground, a drop of urine released into his pants. His face flushed as he felt it.

"Still held! Still being held! That's a great job." He accidentally rambled. Chell had no idea what he meant, but shrugged it off. The two made their way across some other cat walks.

"Ahhh!" Wheatley yelped. A spurt of urine found its way into his pants. Chell turned around and eyed him curiously. "Sorry, sorry, I just looked down. Do not recommend it..." he told her. Another scream came from him. "Aw, I've done it again.". Chell rolled her eyes and kept walking.

"Ah! This is the main braker room." Wheatley announced. The two entered. "Look for a switch that says escape pod." he instructed. "Alright? Don't touch anything else. Don't even look at anything else, just- Well obviously you've got to look at everything else to find the escape pod. But as soon as you look at something that doesn't say escape pod, look at something else. Look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else, or look at anyth- well, look at other things but- ...You understand." he rambled.

The duo looked for the switch unsuccessfully.

"Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere." Wheatley said. "Uhh, tell ya what, I'll turn the lights on." he decided. The man turned around, seemingly casually cross his legs and switch on a light. "Let there be light!" he announced. "That's uh... God. I was quoting God.". Chell went back to searching when she was disturbed by the platform spinning around.

"Oh look at that! It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. You know, as long as it doesn't start moving up." Wheatley said. As he continued searching, the platform began to ascend. "It's-it's moving up. Okay, okay, don't worry! I've got it, I've got it, I've got it, this should slow it down." Wheatley assured her. The platform only quickened its pace. "No, makes it go faster.".

[POWER UP INITIATED]

Wheatley began shaking.

"Okay, don't panic! Alright, stop panicking, I can still stop this!". While Wheatley tried to help their situation, Chell observed as the elderly woman on the floor next to her slowly rose. Wires and cables attached themselves to her. As she opened her eyes, they seemed to glow a shade of yellow.

[POWER UP COMPLETE]

"Okay, new plan! Act natural, act natural, we've done nothing wrong!" Wheatley hollered. He cleared his throat. "Hello!" he said cheerfully.

"Oh, it's _you_." GlaDOS said in an irritated tone.

"You know her?"

"It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been **really** busy being dead. You know, after you murdered me?". Wheatley's eyes widened.

"YOU DID WHAT!?" he screamed. Two robotic arms descended from the ceiling and scooped up Chell and Wheatley. Upon being picked up, Wheatley's bladder spasmed and a golf ball sized wet patch appeared on his crotch. Chell and GlaDOS, however, didn't notice as they focused on each other.

"Oh no! No no no no! No!" Wheatley cried. The robot's arm squeezed him tighter, forcing him to quiet down.

Small trickles of urine found their way out of his bladder. This was it. Wheatley was at his limit. The pressure and tension of the moment were too much to bear. The fear, the intense need to pee, the claw putting pressure on his stomach. It was his breaking point. With a heavy groan, Wheatley let himself go.

Large torrents of urine came out of him, making his pants appear darker. The tingling sensation of the warm liquid covering his lower half was almost relaxing. Streams of the golden liquid poured down his legs, wetting his pant legs. His shoes became soggy with piss.

GlaDOS and Chell turned their attention to Wheatley when the audible sound of urine splashing into the pool of water below mixed with Wheatley's relieved sigh and echoed throughout the chamber.

"Ohhh, man alive...!" he moaned. Chell's mouth hung wide open. Her face was painted with a shocked expression at the sight of her friend wetting himself before her. GlaDOS however, simply stared, showing no surprise whatsoever. Wheatley stared at her for a moment, his face red as a beet. His eyes darted around the room, unsure of where to look. After thirty seconds, the flow stopped and he ran dry. The man had left his trousers soaking wet, a complete embarrassment to someone of his age.

He broke the silence by giving nervous chuckles here and there.

"Haha, oh, uh, aha... haha, um... Oh...Eh..." Wheatley stammered. GlaDOS shook her head.

"How primitive.".

With that, she tossed Wheatley aside, ready to continue testing.


End file.
